Certified Piece of Suck
Skatepark designs have gotten better in the past 10 years, but that doesn’t mean cement turds aren’t still being dropped in towns all over the world. Certified Piece of Suck is our dishonorable award for botched, butchered, and just plain bad skatepark design. Here’s a look at some garbage terrain from past issues of the mag.
Email us photos of any Certified Piece of Suck skatepark designs that you know of: firstname.lastname@example.org (300dpi, 5 inches wide)
Pay attention, or this could happen to your town...
NAME: The Municipal Waste
DESCRIPTION: Taxpayer dollars would’ve been better used in a cash bonfire, turning into smoke, than going toward this waste of pristine grassland.
NAME: The Runner-Up
DESCRIPTION: Who doesn’t love sprinting through grass and rolling over an inch-wide crack on your way to getting sacked on a handrail?
NAME: Bench Warmer
DESCRIPTION: Is this an anti-skate tease or a brilliant hybrid of transitions and skate plaza terrain? Survey says: Zurrp
NAME: The Snooze
DESCRIPTION: Here’s a monument to wimpy roll-ins that generate no speed. It’s also a good place for sluggish kickflops... to fakie.
NAME: The Perplexer
DESCRIPTION: Like Spinal Tap’s knee-high Stonehenge, some measurement confusion led to this abrupt ankle-jammer.
NAME: Plywood Plague
DESCRIPTION: Shed a tear and say a prayer for anyone who is stuck with this roach-infested disaster.
NAME: The Pile Driver
DESCRIPTION: Designed to not have a tall, dangerous drop-off, this handrail instead sends you plummeting like a kamikaze straight into the ground.
NAME: Crud Bank
DESCRIPTION: If you have soft, 65mm wheels, you’ll dig this gravel bank that has a sawed-off ski-pole serving as the coping.
NAME: Daycare Center
DESCRIPTION: Small, crowded parks are a positive sign that skating's alive and well and that the next generation of rippers is on their way. But still... dude...
NAME: The Edger
DESCRIPTION: You could snap your smallest possible ollie and still overshoot this micro-hubba by a mile.
9/13/2016Like an infectious, untreatable disease, that one phone app where you hunt down invisible monsters went viral like the Black Plague. Here’s our version where you snoop around for skate critters.
6/22/2016This band had a long-time cult following and blew up the last couple of years. Austyn Gillette and David Letterman may have helped, but mostly the tunes did all the work.
3/09/2016Hell, Thrasher started as a zine so you know we have love for all hand-made publications. Here’s a look at some zines we’ve received over the years plus an interview with our long-time zine-reviewer Wez Lundry.
2/13/2016Feel the love (and the convenience and affordability) as you give your girl one of our free V-Day cards instead of buying her some hokey Hallmark garbage.
2/10/2016Those ads in the back of old comic books used to promise a lot but deliver very little. Here’s some skate-related items that may or may not live up to the hype. Buyer beware.