Sh!t To Skate Besides Curbs
I’m not sure if it’s because of my age or just a general shift in skateboarding’s collective consciousness, but lately when I scroll through my endless social-media feeds, about 90 percent of the skate content is curb footage. And, yeah, curb skating is fun; everybody knows that. But there’s so many other things to ride, it seems weird to get so fixated on one obstacle. That being said, if you find yourself stuck in the curb zone and your spirit is looking for some varied terrain, I got your back, homies. Here’s some suggestions:
Stairs are cool because you can find them in any size. Wanna fuck up your knees? Find a good double-digit double set. Just wanna dick around and have fun with your friends? There’s surely a four set in your town just waiting for you. Also, every time you bail a trick down stairs you have to walk back up them to try again, and that’s really good for keeping the ol’ buns high and tight.
Ledges are like curbs except they’re taller. In the late ’80s, a lot of skateboarders moved from curbs to ledges because you can do all the same tricks, plus you get to sprak some ollies. An ollie is a trick invented in the ’70s. It’s where you make your skateboard catch some hands-free air using magic and leg muscles.
Mini ramps are like vert ramps except they’re smaller so they’re not as terrifying. Mini ramps are often found at private residences, so you can BBQ and crack cold ones with your crew without security guards or cops trying to confiscate your hot wings or Busch Ice tall boys. You can also use the crapper if you gotta spray some beer foam out of your pooper.
Unlike most disciplines in skateboarding, bombing hills is something you can do almost immediately after learning how to stand on a ’board. I’ve seen YouTube videos of small children, sorority girls and beer-bellied dads all taking the plunge. Sure, it inevitably ends with a horrific patch of shredded flesh spread across the asphalt, but until that moment it always looks very exhilarating. Tip: if you get speed wobbles, avoid parked cars.
A lot of curb tricks can also be done down (or up!) rails. Rails, like vert ramps, are also terrifying, so I don’t know a whole lot about them. One time when I was 14 years old I caveman slid a nine stair and when I landed my board popped up and hit me in the mouth. My G&S truck damn near went through my lip! Anyway, rails are fun to skate if you like bleeding and being scared.
Let’s be honest: that thing hasn’t moved out of her driveway in over three years. And, unfortunately, the next ride she’s probably going to take is in the back of an ambulance after breaking her hip, so she’s probably not going to notice a few dings and dents if you and your friends take her car to the local bump and session it like a box. Almost-dead people are cool like that.
Kickflip a kitten, tré flip a terrier, primo slide through a possum, dolphin flip a deer, body varial some vermin, revert through a raccoon, stinkbug a squirrel, fastplant a frog, gorilla grip a gopher, ho ho over a hobo—
if it’s dead, go ahead and shred.
If you’re sick of skating curbs, just skate the ground in front of the curb. Skating flatground literally used to be an entire discipline within skateboarding. It was called freestyle. Nowadays it has morphed into a game called SKATE, but it’s the same thing: you basically just roll around, try not to hit anything fun on your skateboard and attempt to impress everybody with how consistent
you are at being boring.
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