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SKATEBOARDING => SKATE & DESTROY => Topic started by: Stabby_McShiv on August 24, 2011, 03:03:08 PM



Title: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on August 24, 2011, 03:03:08 PM
I don’t know if I have just been in a shitty mood lately or I have been looking for more variety in my skating so I have been running into more of them but randoms at skate spots have been popping up like crazy lately.  These are the lurkers I can think of offhand, feel free indulge your human instinct to categorize and add to the list:

Office Douches:  I work in an office and take most of my lunch breaks with my board out at a park with a ton of concrete and even a drainage ditch nestled in a fancy “Technology Business Complex blah blah”.   On the weekends and 80% of lunch breaks the place is desolate but every now and again a steady stream of folks decides to pull their asses away from their desks and get outside.  I can tell by the condescending looks I get from these fuckers that they think I am some jobless schmuck and you typically get vibed with a full bore sense of entitlement as they take a seat in the middle of where you are skating because everyone knows that park was built for them. 

Neighborhood Groms:  These kids show up out of nowhere and are blown away if you have a funbox or rail and you let ‘em hit it.  I usually get a kick out of that but when awkward teenagers show up and start trying to vibe you at your own spot that’s enough to piss a man off.

Pig in a Blankets : Cops that aren’t necessarily there to kick you out because you aren’t on Private Property or a “skate-free” zone but they are happy to sit and keep an eye on you.

Small Penis’d Meatheads (SPMs):  Sometimes traveling in packs with bad attitudes and something to prove.  They can be identified by general poor taste and Affliction shirts can be a dead giveaway.   All you have to do is call them out and they shrivel into the protection of their little group and stay out of your way.

Frat boys:  (See “SPMs”)

Heavy Metal Parking Lots:  These are my favorite and always give me a warm fuzzy.  Either they used to skate, their kids skate, or they just are blown away by the concept but they are thrilled by the whole idea and just want to watch and talk you up with a starry eyed look. 

Citizens On Patrol:  Can’t believe that you would dare skate anywhere in public, that’s why skate parks exist for chrissakes.  This bench, basketball court, dilapidated ledge, empty hockey rink, shaded pavilion, concrete bank was built for their enjoyment and they are going to let you know.  They’ll stand, sit, walk in your way to just to prove that it’s their right.  You have to be easy on them though because sometimes they are just that clueless and you don’t want to be a dick.

Bums:  Depending on the stage of intoxication these may be lurkers or skateable obstacles.  At least they tend to be the most free spirited.

Dingleberries:  More annoying at skateparks but these are the dudes that roll up, potentially snake you a few times and then just sit and never actually skate. 

Me Toos:  The dudes that follow you around the park trying the same exact lines and tricks that you are doing.  Its cute when kids do it but anybody older than 15, what the fucks your problem?

I feel better now.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: JiggsUp on August 24, 2011, 06:44:50 PM
I lol'd. Been in contact with all of them at least once.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: ttching on August 24, 2011, 07:49:47 PM
Sometimes you've had enough.  Homeless lurkers are the best.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: bryanpaul on August 25, 2011, 04:56:34 AM
benchwarmers.....little kids, skaters or not, who like to sit or play on all the shit your trying to skate....you'll be barging toward a wall and theres some lil girls legs dangling off the coping you were getting ready to grind........ forgivable and cute in some instances to see kids hangin out and doing "parkour" in the bowl...but some places it's a constant parkwide epidemic


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on August 25, 2011, 07:40:28 AM
I forgot one of my favorite passive aggressive all stars...

Mothership Drones:  Never actually confront you but they keep a safe distance and either hold their cell phones in their hands as blatant as possible or feign a phone call while they stare you down. The body language suggests, "You are a terrible human being, I am not going to say anything but I am calling someone with a backbone.  Disperse".  Bonus points if their arms are crossed to enunciate the disapproval.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: C H U C K on August 25, 2011, 11:12:31 AM
You're KILLING IT Stabby_McShiv !


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: dtotherob on August 25, 2011, 04:14:17 PM
interesting names you have for these individuals. i find that a good, assertive "get the fuck out of the way!" works most of the time. i could care less about the "i'm better than you, scumbag" stare down, although i like to stare back.  i also like to "me too" me-tooers.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Babe, Mr. Ruth if you're Nasty on August 25, 2011, 06:24:29 PM
Can't forget the Howlongers: the little groms who ask the almighty "How long have you been skating?" question. Suitable answers include: About (Insert random number) minutes, Longer than you've been alive or (Insert Number) years.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: susej on August 25, 2011, 06:33:07 PM
I've gone a step further with "Longer than your monther's been alive".


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: bailgun on August 25, 2011, 07:30:37 PM
i usually just answer with however long i've been at that spot. "how long have i been skating? about an hour or so."


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on August 25, 2011, 07:48:36 PM
interesting names you have for these individuals. i find that a good, assertive "get the fuck out of the way!" works most of the time. i could care less about the "i'm better than you, scumbag" stare down, although i like to stare back.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on August 25, 2011, 07:52:36 PM
Quote boxes are negative fun.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: krusher on August 26, 2011, 12:52:53 AM
I can't believe you guy's haven't figured out how to get over the quote box hump yet.

Plus you guys should skate San Diego more, the only people bummed on skating are security guards, most old people (60+) and cops.

Most of the looks we get from people are the ones that say "I wish I could be you"


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on August 26, 2011, 06:34:41 AM
The quote box had been working fine for me so I figured it wasn't a problem anymore, that one snuck up on me.

 I would probably skate San Diego a hell of a lot more if I didnt live 1000 miles away.  I am happy where I am at anyways, and as much as some of these lurkers can be a pain in the ass, they add to the flavor.  Being pissed off can be comforting and energizing for the right type of person.

D, I am one of the more confrontational people that you'll meet but I have learned to bite my tongue a little.  I have had enough experiences where I was about to rip somebody a new one for encroaching on my space and then we ended up chatting it up for some random reason and they turned out to be really nice, just clueless.  Passive aggressiveness and naïveté can be hard to distinguish sometimes.

 Howlongers are funny, they inevitably have the stock follow up questions about what kind of trucks/board/wheels/bearings you ride.  I usually have plenty of patience with these kids becuase they are just a little new to the art of carrying on a conversation.  It's not like we can relate about anything else, a conversation about world events wouldn't get too far. It only gets annoying when they start asking for handouts, I have offered up a used board a time or two but who just starts asking if they can have your shit out of nowhere?


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: ttching on August 26, 2011, 03:21:22 PM
Its pretty great here in the city.  People are super cool about it for the most part and kind of defy the classifications you laid out, which can be so common in other parts of the country.  Even the cops and security guards who've kicked me out are just like 'Sorry, you can't skate here.'  I know that isn't universal, I've heard some tales of super shitty attitudes, just haven't experienced myself really-except at the Fredric Douglass memorial, don't skate there... All the pedestrians/traffic everywhere inevitably translates in to you having to wait to a certain degree between trys, but I find the degree of distraction that creates helps me not overthink what I'm trying.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: krusher on August 26, 2011, 06:43:43 PM
Everything seems to be fine in Russia too...

АБСУРД БЛОГ-БАСТАРДС. Часть V. Краснодар и Новороссийск. Улицы.. (http://vimeo.com/23607931)

...Maybe you guys should skate there more often.

Stabby d'you live in Chicago?


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: JiggsUp on August 27, 2011, 01:59:32 PM
Skating Boston last night had to deal with all the drunken idiots yelling at us to kickflip whenever we skated by a group. They get irritating rather quickly.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: krusher on August 27, 2011, 03:12:32 PM
Are you sure? 'Cause I wasn't in Boston last night. Nah it couldn't have been me 'cause I usually ask to see a 540 flip, inward heel, or laser flip.

[Slow Motion 540 Flip] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhTSqvtld9M#)

Always wear your helmets kidz


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: m477 on August 28, 2011, 04:04:47 PM
I was attacked by an office douche in 98 or 99.  Was skating an office building with some nice 5 stair sets.  I'm skating  for a good 15 minutes and some dude is on his break smoking a cig and talking on his cell phone.  He's watching me the whole time so I think nothing of it.  Then out of nowhere he starts walking towards me mumbling and cussing, blocking the stairs and telling us to leave.  I don't normally talk shit in these situations but I said something like "You're not a cop, I'm not going anywhere."  That must have set him off because he lunged at me, putting me in a choke hold!  Luckily my friend was there and jumped on the dudes back and puts him in a choke hold until he lets go of me.  Once I was free me and my buddy are ready for blood but he runs inside and we just leave.

That was a crazy experience, almost forgot it happened until this thread sparked the memory.  Looking back I can't believe how crazy that dude was.  Attacking high school kids on your smoke break??  He's lucky he didn't get a truck to the back of the head!  And I guess I'm lucky too, who knows what would have happened if shit escalated. Skaters sure do get to see the nasty side of people...


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on August 29, 2011, 07:57:41 AM
It sounds like you had a run-in with a Rambo lurker in Office Douche clothing.  I am not sure why but I speculate that I am too old, big, and/or scrappy looking to have had any actual run ins with these rare specimens.  Their behavior in their natural habit is well documented on YouTube though.

Rambo Lurker:  Generally extremely aggressive if the following conditions are met; the skater is either much younger, smaller or in some way at a tactical disadvantage to the lurker.  They may have also convinced themselves that they are “teaching somebody a lesson” but it’s fairly obvious that they have missed the point of a few lessons in their lifetime. These are commonly mistaken as SPMs.

Krusher, I am not in the Midwest and I am sure if I was I would have way more lurkers to bitch about.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: krusher on August 30, 2011, 06:41:07 PM
I was trying to guess at where you might be at 1,000 miles away.

I almost got in a fight with a Skate Coach last week. He was watching his kid at skate camp, sitting in the worst spot to sit at the park and some skinny 20 year old kid bails a trick and his board almost hit skate coach. Of course skate coach gets chesty on the little kid, luckily I was there before the kid swung his board (he was in mall grab defense mode). I told coach if you are a spectator you have to leave and sit on the benches outside, then he starts barking at me and told me to make him leave, I said gladly. At that point his 6 year old kid comes up and then a camp counselor. I told the counselor that coach had to leave or change his attitude. He kept barking but settled himself down. So I just continued skate to for the next hour, he kept giving me the evil eye. I've seen him 3 times since but now he wont acknowledge me, everyone calls him agro-dad from one of the names I called him when I was talking shit.

I'm not a fighter I'm a lover but I will stand up to injustice, don't go picking on kids half your age or half your size when I'm around... there is a reason why they call me Krusher

I hate Skate Coaches


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: curb cobain on September 01, 2011, 01:38:18 PM
the thing about skate coaches and kids is that this is the whole reason why i like to skate by myself in the city. i have a million people passing by, but i barely notice them. in the skatepark you have do deal with all kinds of kids, some of them are actually talented and stuff, but i just don't like kids. i don't actually hate them but i dislike them very much.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: krusher on September 05, 2011, 05:20:51 PM
^ I know what you're saying I just love my local park too much! Summer is over and I'll only have to deal with skate coaches on the weekends, if you go later they're usually gone by then... Chargers games start at 1pm


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Long Way Home on September 05, 2011, 09:48:05 PM
Skating Boston last night had to deal with all the drunken idiots yelling at us to kickflip whenever we skated by a group. They get irritating rather quickly.
I live in a college town too, it seems like the only thing frat bro's know about skateboarding is the word "Kickflip". I don't really have a good response to them, I usually just look at them so they know that I heard them, but also don't think they are worth acknowledging, and then ignore them. It can get really annoying on weekends, because every five minutes there's a new group of musclebound college assholes saying the same word at you... "Kickflip". If not that, it's a group of girls dressed in less clothing than they should, looking at you with disgust.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: curb cobain on September 06, 2011, 02:27:41 PM
Skating Boston last night had to deal with all the drunken idiots yelling at us to kickflip whenever we skated by a group. They get irritating rather quickly.
I live in a college town too, it seems like the only thing frat bro's know about skateboarding is the word "Kickflip". I don't really have a good response to them, I usually just look at them so they know that I heard them, but also don't think they are worth acknowledging, and then ignore them. It can get really annoying on weekends, because every five minutes there's a new group of musclebound college assholes saying the same word at you... "Kickflip". If not that, it's a group of girls dressed in less clothing than they should, looking at you with disgust.

yes, i like to think that the skateboard is the reason why girls look at me in disgust, too.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: The brycickle on September 09, 2011, 06:35:57 PM
Skating Boston last night had to deal with all the drunken idiots yelling at us to kickflip whenever we skated by a group. They get irritating rather quickly.
I live in a college town too, it seems like the only thing frat bro's know about skateboarding is the word "Kickflip". I don't really have a good response to them, I usually just look at them so they know that I heard them, but also don't think they are worth acknowledging, and then ignore them. It can get really annoying on weekends, because every five minutes there's a new group of musclebound college assholes saying the same word at you... "Kickflip". If not that, it's a group of girls dressed in less clothing than they should, looking at you with disgust.

yes, i like to think that the skateboard is the reason why girls look at me in disgust, too.
Where as I'm old enough to know that it's my shitty attitude and general lack of personal hygiene that causes those looks.

O, and my AIDS.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: bailgun on September 09, 2011, 09:37:35 PM
sh sh sh sh shredding!


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on September 28, 2011, 01:04:03 PM
Are Scooters poised to take the torch from the dying Fruit Booters?  I haven't seen an XxxTreme Aggressive Inline Skater at a skate park in at least 2 years but I have noticed the age limit on scooters has been gradually bumping up.  I realize it's a little hypocritical for a grown man who's primary passion is skating to say that but, shit. 

I have plenty of patience with scooters when they are being a pain in the ass at a park because it's usually just a tiny kid cruising around and I always viewed it as a gateway drug that will eventually lead to a skateboard.  This theory was disproved a while ago in an experience that blew my mind.  A group of dudes rolls up to the park that were likely in their late teens to early twenties (a few were sporting full sleeves so I have to assume they were at least in their late teens) and they looked like pretty typical dudes until I noticed they were actually on scooters.  As surprising as it was, I figured they were just goofing off and had asked a kid to borrow a scooter to give it a whirl.  I soon realized that there were no kids with scooters and the dudes were there to shred on scooters.  Holy fuck, they were serious about the scooter thing and they were grinding shit and doing those little tail whip things all on little razor scooters. As goofy as it looked to each their own I suppose.  Unfortunately, just as was/is the case with 'blades, it's impossible to do it with any form of style and regardless of the difficulty it just looks silly as tits on a bull.  I just wonder if kids aren't going to make the conversion to skateboards as i had assumed and they are going to grow into the scooter thing.

As far as skate parks go I have seen unicycles, mountain bikes, mountain bikes with trailers on the back, weird little platforms with castor wheels on the bottom that you step on,mountain boards, longboards, rip sticks, etc. but these guys took the cake in terms of oddity that I just couldn't wrap my head around. 


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: dtotherob on September 28, 2011, 03:49:43 PM
we seem to have a variety of kids who do both. i was finding it strange that if you skated, that you would even care to ride a scooter. but some of these kids can do tricks on both.  you'd think that if they chose one, they would rip. it's also strange that they are always in the way more, when they ride scooters.  it's like they turn stupid. i guess it would be like playing 2 jock sports? but still, skateboarding is in a league of it's own. everything else is gimmick.

the same day that my friends and i talked about this, there were 4 die hard bladers at the park. at least they looked less like a '90's skater lol!


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on September 29, 2011, 07:59:09 AM
I just ran across this, impeccable timing...

(http://socalskateshop.com/images/products/large_23092_ah-deck-pro-localsonly-hewittLG.jpg)


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: susej on September 29, 2011, 08:13:08 AM
I want that deck!

And there were definitely a ton of froot scooters at the park in Nova Scotia when I was home in the summer. Some even in their late 20's...


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: kenneth rogers on October 13, 2011, 06:18:01 PM
http://www.jenkemmag.com/home/2011/07/31/people-that-piss-me-off-the-%E2%80%9Cconcerned-citizen%E2%80%9D/ (http://www.jenkemmag.com/home/2011/07/31/people-that-piss-me-off-the-%E2%80%9Cconcerned-citizen%E2%80%9D/)


this alot of the time


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on October 21, 2011, 04:04:15 PM
Speak of the devil and he appears.  I hit up a park across town recently and while I was there a group of about  5-10 dudes with rollerblades show up and start strapping in. Bad.  Ass.  Not a big deal, I can appreciate a little novelty here and there and it's a public skate park so fuck it.

My sudden change of heart came when I am across the park and I see this dude pull out a huge pink brick sized chunk of wax and start laying it down on a rail.  He is full on putting his back into it and shit just caking the rail and there are people right by him just chilling and watching it happen.  I couldn't take it so I b-line over to the dude and start ripping him a new one yelling at him to stop fucking waxing the the rail all while trying to explain the whole "what if somebody hops on that shit without knowing it's waxed spiel". He's giving me this crazy deer in headlights look and shit gets really strange when the dudes girlfriend/sister/escort runs over and starts explaining to him what I am all worked up about.  Apparently he didn't speak English too well and I was ignorant to the fact given the one-sided nature of conversation.  I am there by myself, clearly outnumbered and they were all grown dudes so it's not like I was being a bully but I felt kinda bad about raging out on the dude.  The silver lining is that hopefully it was memorable enough to change his behavior and he did stop greasing up the rail. 

I hope I wasn't being a dick and somehow missed the memo that it's suddenly ok to wax up metal rails because I was the only one who seemed to give a shit.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Babe, Mr. Ruth if you're Nasty on October 22, 2011, 10:16:48 AM
Beezelblob - normally a heavyset, ICP or Dubstep listening, neo-hipster doofus. Smells heavily of smoke from either cigarettes or marijuana, or energy drink. Usually their face consists of double chins and a BTM(Bad Teenage Mustache). Mannerisms include slouching, breaking glass bottles, fights or any other suspicious reasons to phone the authorities. Should be eradicated for better future breeding populations. Avoid at all costs. Runaway boards do not count.


Title: Re: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers
Post by: Stabby_McShiv on October 22, 2011, 03:17:57 PM
Beelzebubs are also known to prefer poorly maintained Pontiac Grand Ams or Oldsmobiles as their chariots of choice.  Bracelets, trinkets and other flair should be expected and will likely be ICP related adornments.  Sorry to nitpick but it's also worth noting that the the smell will likely be mentholated cigarette and marijuana smoke will blended with a strong dose of Polo Sport cologne in a failed attempt to cover up said mary jane. "Come on dude, I am on probation brah, if they make me throw another piss test I am going to get tossed back in juvey.  Fuck man."

Vibrators:  The dudes that show up at a park and do a few high speed loops around the park and generally vibe everybody out like they are  establishing their presence.  Typically angry teenagers who are cocky little fucks with something too prove.  Fuck you.  You are just one good ass kicking away from the humility of being a grown man.   70% of the time the warm up laps end with a few failed flip tricks, some squatting on a ledge and then time to go home and order some more shirts from CCS.

Granolas:  Rocking the A Christmas Carol's Tiny Tim looking knit beanie with the ear flaps and dingleberries flopping all over the place.  It's 70 degrees and Transworld Snowboarding isn't a good place to pick up ideas to for stylish accessorizing.