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Author Topic: Lurkers and Human Skatestoppers  (Read 14389 times)
Stabby_McShiv
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"Heaven for climate. Hell for company."


« on: August 24, 2011, 03:03:08 PM »

I don’t know if I have just been in a shitty mood lately or I have been looking for more variety in my skating so I have been running into more of them but randoms at skate spots have been popping up like crazy lately.  These are the lurkers I can think of offhand, feel free indulge your human instinct to categorize and add to the list:

Office Douches:  I work in an office and take most of my lunch breaks with my board out at a park with a ton of concrete and even a drainage ditch nestled in a fancy “Technology Business Complex blah blah”.   On the weekends and 80% of lunch breaks the place is desolate but every now and again a steady stream of folks decides to pull their asses away from their desks and get outside.  I can tell by the condescending looks I get from these fuckers that they think I am some jobless schmuck and you typically get vibed with a full bore sense of entitlement as they take a seat in the middle of where you are skating because everyone knows that park was built for them. 

Neighborhood Groms:  These kids show up out of nowhere and are blown away if you have a funbox or rail and you let ‘em hit it.  I usually get a kick out of that but when awkward teenagers show up and start trying to vibe you at your own spot that’s enough to piss a man off.

Pig in a Blankets : Cops that aren’t necessarily there to kick you out because you aren’t on Private Property or a “skate-free” zone but they are happy to sit and keep an eye on you.

Small Penis’d Meatheads (SPMs):  Sometimes traveling in packs with bad attitudes and something to prove.  They can be identified by general poor taste and Affliction shirts can be a dead giveaway.   All you have to do is call them out and they shrivel into the protection of their little group and stay out of your way.

Frat boys:  (See “SPMs”)

Heavy Metal Parking Lots:  These are my favorite and always give me a warm fuzzy.  Either they used to skate, their kids skate, or they just are blown away by the concept but they are thrilled by the whole idea and just want to watch and talk you up with a starry eyed look. 

Citizens On Patrol:  Can’t believe that you would dare skate anywhere in public, that’s why skate parks exist for chrissakes.  This bench, basketball court, dilapidated ledge, empty hockey rink, shaded pavilion, concrete bank was built for their enjoyment and they are going to let you know.  They’ll stand, sit, walk in your way to just to prove that it’s their right.  You have to be easy on them though because sometimes they are just that clueless and you don’t want to be a dick.

Bums:  Depending on the stage of intoxication these may be lurkers or skateable obstacles.  At least they tend to be the most free spirited.

Dingleberries:  More annoying at skateparks but these are the dudes that roll up, potentially snake you a few times and then just sit and never actually skate. 

Me Toos:  The dudes that follow you around the park trying the same exact lines and tricks that you are doing.  Its cute when kids do it but anybody older than 15, what the fucks your problem?

I feel better now.
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JiggsUp
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« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2011, 06:44:50 PM »

I lol'd. Been in contact with all of them at least once.
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ttching
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« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2011, 07:49:47 PM »

Sometimes you've had enough.  Homeless lurkers are the best.
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bryanpaul
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« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2011, 04:56:34 AM »

benchwarmers.....little kids, skaters or not, who like to sit or play on all the shit your trying to skate....you'll be barging toward a wall and theres some lil girls legs dangling off the coping you were getting ready to grind........ forgivable and cute in some instances to see kids hangin out and doing "parkour" in the bowl...but some places it's a constant parkwide epidemic
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Stabby_McShiv
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"Heaven for climate. Hell for company."


« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2011, 07:40:28 AM »

I forgot one of my favorite passive aggressive all stars...

Mothership Drones:  Never actually confront you but they keep a safe distance and either hold their cell phones in their hands as blatant as possible or feign a phone call while they stare you down. The body language suggests, "You are a terrible human being, I am not going to say anything but I am calling someone with a backbone.  Disperse".  Bonus points if their arms are crossed to enunciate the disapproval.
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C H U C K
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« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2011, 11:12:31 AM »

You're KILLING IT Stabby_McShiv !
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dtotherob
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« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2011, 04:14:17 PM »

interesting names you have for these individuals. i find that a good, assertive "get the fuck out of the way!" works most of the time. i could care less about the "i'm better than you, scumbag" stare down, although i like to stare back.  i also like to "me too" me-tooers.
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Babe, Mr. Ruth if you're Nasty
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« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2011, 06:24:29 PM »

Can't forget the Howlongers: the little groms who ask the almighty "How long have you been skating?" question. Suitable answers include: About (Insert random number) minutes, Longer than you've been alive or (Insert Number) years.
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"And it's us against a nation of millions, and we can't take them all. But we can take them on."
susej
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« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2011, 06:33:07 PM »

I've gone a step further with "Longer than your monther's been alive".
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bailgun
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« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2011, 07:30:37 PM »

i usually just answer with however long i've been at that spot. "how long have i been skating? about an hour or so."
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Stabby_McShiv
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"Heaven for climate. Hell for company."


« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2011, 07:48:36 PM »

interesting names you have for these individuals. i find that a good, assertive "get the fuck out of the way!" works most of the time. i could care less about the "i'm better than you, scumbag" stare down, although i like to stare back.
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Stabby_McShiv
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"Heaven for climate. Hell for company."


« Reply #11 on: August 25, 2011, 07:52:36 PM »

Quote boxes are negative fun.
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krusher
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« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2011, 12:52:53 AM »

I can't believe you guy's haven't figured out how to get over the quote box hump yet.

Plus you guys should skate San Diego more, the only people bummed on skating are security guards, most old people (60+) and cops.

Most of the looks we get from people are the ones that say "I wish I could be you"
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Stabby_McShiv
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"Heaven for climate. Hell for company."


« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2011, 06:34:41 AM »

The quote box had been working fine for me so I figured it wasn't a problem anymore, that one snuck up on me.

 I would probably skate San Diego a hell of a lot more if I didnt live 1000 miles away.  I am happy where I am at anyways, and as much as some of these lurkers can be a pain in the ass, they add to the flavor.  Being pissed off can be comforting and energizing for the right type of person.

D, I am one of the more confrontational people that you'll meet but I have learned to bite my tongue a little.  I have had enough experiences where I was about to rip somebody a new one for encroaching on my space and then we ended up chatting it up for some random reason and they turned out to be really nice, just clueless.  Passive aggressiveness and naïveté can be hard to distinguish sometimes.

 Howlongers are funny, they inevitably have the stock follow up questions about what kind of trucks/board/wheels/bearings you ride.  I usually have plenty of patience with these kids becuase they are just a little new to the art of carrying on a conversation.  It's not like we can relate about anything else, a conversation about world events wouldn't get too far. It only gets annoying when they start asking for handouts, I have offered up a used board a time or two but who just starts asking if they can have your shit out of nowhere?
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ttching
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« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2011, 03:21:22 PM »

Its pretty great here in the city.  People are super cool about it for the most part and kind of defy the classifications you laid out, which can be so common in other parts of the country.  Even the cops and security guards who've kicked me out are just like 'Sorry, you can't skate here.'  I know that isn't universal, I've heard some tales of super shitty attitudes, just haven't experienced myself really-except at the Fredric Douglass memorial, don't skate there... All the pedestrians/traffic everywhere inevitably translates in to you having to wait to a certain degree between trys, but I find the degree of distraction that creates helps me not overthink what I'm trying.
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