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Author Topic: Good Ass Jokes  (Read 43471 times)
Schmitty
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« on: November 06, 2008, 08:04:19 PM »

So this topic is going to be where you put down some of your best jokes. For each one listed, three cheers gets a stay on board, and three boo's gets a delete. Im gonna start it off with this one I heard post election Alaskan-wise:

What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her pussy? Only one out of five things that come out of her pussy are retarded.

Sorry in advance
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the redline
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« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2008, 09:47:28 PM »

Did you hear the one about the cordurouy pillow?

It was making headlines everywhere.
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bailgun
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« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2008, 12:03:16 AM »

know the difference between hockey moms and pit bulls?
pit bulls eat the retarded babies.
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The Westwood
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praeclarum custodem ovium lupum


« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2008, 06:29:01 AM »


So a baby seal walks into a club...
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elastic back
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« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2008, 07:09:42 AM »

A priest checks into his hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope the porn channel on my TV is disabled".

"You get regular porn just like every one else you sick bastard" she replies.
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el ogrehound 3000
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« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2008, 08:01:22 AM »

Cheers to Schmitty  & Bailgun

Rimshot goes to Westwood

Trombone wah wah goes to Redline

While Eby's joke was alright, it isn't 'Good Ass' enough.  I expect more filth out of priest jokes.

Here's one:

Did you guys hear that Ellen Degeneres dies today?








She drowned in Ricki Lake


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« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2008, 09:38:05 AM »

While Eby's joke was alright, it isn't 'Good Ass' enough.  I expect more filth out of priest jokes.

this one is a classic:
One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor if he would cover his Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. The janitor agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."

"Adultery, eh?" the janitor said. "You sly devil. That'll be three Hail Mary's, plus five bucks."

"Thank you, Father."

Another person came into the booth. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work."

"Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 Hail Mary's, plus fourteen bucks.""Thank you, Father." This was easy, the janitor thought. Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of oral sex.""Oral sex, huh?" He looked at the list, but didn't see oral sex there. So, he excused himself to look for help. He found an alter boy hanging out on the steps of the church.

"Excuse me," the janitor said. "What does Father Matthew give for oral sex?"

"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers."


and there are always jesus jokes...

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.
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el ogrehound 3000
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« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2008, 09:43:27 AM »

That's more like it.

I thought the long one should have worked in a sexual punchline with the "bucks".

The short one is great though
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bailgun
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« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2008, 10:48:28 AM »

palin goes into a library, walks up to the librarians desk, and says, "so, uh, let me get a cheeseburger, small fries and a diet coke."

the librarian looks at her and says, "uh, ma'am, this is a library.

so palin whispers, "oh, i'm sorry... could i please have a cheeseburger, small fries, and a diet coke?"
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ze RJM
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« Reply #9 on: November 07, 2008, 11:49:04 AM »

Three guys walk into a bar, a priest, a sex offender and a pedophile (sp?),
and then two other guys behind him
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Sleef
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« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2008, 02:34:52 PM »

Here's an old classic:

A guy walks up to the pharmacist and says
"I need to pick up some birth control for my eleven year old daughter."
The pharmacist says
"Your eleven year old daughter is sexually active?"
To which the man replies
"No, she just lies there just like her mother."
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For a barrage of bad jokes involving Satan, pussy, and mocking bigots follow MCDS_Patrick on Twitter.  Pussy.
The brycickle
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« Reply #11 on: November 07, 2008, 04:01:42 PM »

What's the difference between General Custer and Captain Morgan?


Captain Morgan's still killing indians.

oops.


Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?

Cause he was too far out maaaaaaaan.
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Sleef
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Death Squad!


« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2008, 10:30:39 PM »

What'd the deadhead say when he ran out of pot?

"I'm out of pot.........hey, this music sucks!"
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lazlow
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« Reply #13 on: November 07, 2008, 10:33:20 PM »

two guys walked into a bar. It hurt real bad.
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Royal With Cheese
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« Reply #14 on: November 08, 2008, 11:27:11 AM »

Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica, 'cuz the dude didn't even get his degree.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.

Mitch was a true comedic genius
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