Good Ass Jokes

[bailgun]

know the difference between grandparents and babies?


grandparents don't die when i fuck them in the ass.

[bailgun]

and one for brent.....


know what you call a black dude flying an airplane?











































a pilot, you fucking bigot.

[The brycickle]

So a priest and an alter boy are taking a walk one day.  They are just walking, talking, just generally bullshitting around about catholicism and what not.  So they get to the point where the path kind of veers off into some woods, but being that they're so involved in their conversations on the catechism they don't really take any notice.  Eventually though the altar boy starts looking around and realizes that the woods are getting quite ominous and scary.  So he tells the priest that he's getting scared.  The priest looks down at him and says...



























You think you're scared?  I gotta walk out of here alone.

[The Lala]

I'm apologizing in advance if this offends anyone...it's a classic:

Four gay guys walk into a bar and there's only one stool to sit on...what do they do?

They flip the stool upside down.


Here's another:

Once there were three scientists who were walking in the woods. They were searching for rare butterflies. While they were sleeping that night, a tribe captured them and put them in a tent. The first guy wakes up and sees the tribe chief with a spear he says: "Death or Unga Bunga?" The first guy says: "Unga bunga because I don't want to die!" So they take him away. Unga Bunga is a guy with a ten foot long dick and he sticks it up the other guys butt for ten seconds and then the second guy wakes up and he sees the first guy come staggering back saying: "Pick death! Pick death!" But the guy doesn't believe him so he picks Unga Bunga, the same thing happens to him as well. Then the third guy wakes up and see the guy staggering back saying: "Pick Death! So the guy figures that what the heck?" and picks death. The chief then says: "Death! by Unga Bunga!"

One more for tonight:

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand??

A: Because she moans with the other

 

[C H U C K]

How do you get a nun pregnant?














































You fuck her.

[The NateYourHeartOut]

A couple of guys are in a bar hangin out drinkin and this chick walks in and this guy is like dude she's hella hot and blah blah so he's like im gonna talk to her and his friends start laughing and saying dude she's a fuckin man dont do it. So he's like fuck off and goes up to talk to her and after a few drinks and some time goes by she asks him if he wants to go somewhere more secluded, so they drive over by the forrest and they start makin out and then she says to him excues me nature calls, so he's like allright this is my chance to find out. so he follows her and hides behind some bushes and trees and sees her squatting and this big long thing dangeling between her legs and he runs up and grabs it and she says startled i didnt know you were following me and he said i didnt know you were taking a shit.

[PunkSkater]

alright some chick told me this one in spanish today so i'ma try to tell it. it's kinda long


So a bus full of nuns was going 70 mph on the highway when all of a sudden an 18 wheeler comes from out of no where hitting the bus and causing it to flip over killing all the nuns. so the nuns' spirits rise to heaven's entrance where they are greeted by st. john. all the nuns in a single file line wait to go through the gate into heaven.
so st. john asks the 1st nun, sister have u ever touched a penis. she says "only with this finger". st. john says "put that finger in the holy water and go on."
he asks the 2nd "have you ever touched a penis?" nuns says "only with this hand" st. john says put that hand in the holy water and come in.
then st. john sees out of the corner of his eye a nun rushing toward him pushing the rest outta the way.
st. john says "sister what are you doing?"
the nun says "i need to gargle this shit before that bitch sticks her ass in it."

[the WORMER]

how do you tell what gender a bacteria is?
pull down their genes





















heh

[GRIME]

Some bitch got married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So the bitch remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
At her funeral, the preacher thanked god for such a great woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One chick leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”

[Andato]

my manager told me not to use liquor as a crutch... I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

[boardlife]

Whats the difference between sarah palins mouth and her vagina? Only one retarded thing came out of her vagina

[Thee Gnartical Adventure]

Whats the difference between sarah palins mouth and her vagina? Only one retarded thing came out of her vagina

So this topic is going to be where you put down some of your best jokes. For each one listed, three cheers gets a stay on board, and three boo's gets a delete. Im gonna start it off with this one I heard post election Alaskan-wise:

What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her pussy? Only one out of five things that come out of her pussy are retarded.

Sorry in advance

uhhhhhhh....

[boardlife]

ah i should have read the first few jokes, i wouldnt have posted it if i had

[Sleef]

What sexual position do 9 out of 10 people prefer?













Gang rape.

[El Benito]

i heard this one the other day and thought it was pretty funny.

do you know what a 6.9 is?







a 69 with a period.