Bathroom Stories

[seedless]

at the river one time i got really drunk and upper decked one of the toilets.

[compaqtinymouse]

whats a chocolate hostage?

[bailgun]

the opposite of vanilla running wild.

[lazlow]

one time I was camping and I took my bookbag with a change of clothes up to the showers/toilets and I walked in and the floor was really nasty and there was nowhere to put my bag except in one of the 10 sinks. So I set the bag in there, got out all my soap and shit, took my shower, got out and changed and was all ready to go. So, I pick my bag up out of the sink and theres a huge fucking turd in the sink and it's all smashed. I take my bag off and there was shit all over it and it got all over my shirt too when I put the bag on. there were a lot of people in there too.

[bailgun]

i probably would've just started shooting at that point.

[lateskate]

one time when i was about 15 i was baby sitting for some rich people and i took a huge dump and it ended up overflowing the toilet so fucking bad. i phoned them when they were out 2 dinner and was like "umm 1 of your kids plugged the toilet. what do i do?"

[hardcoreskates]

^^^^CLASSIC^^^^

This is a tough story to tell. 

It was way back in October of 1998....

I was heading from New York to New Mexico for a winter job.  I was traveling with a very attractive girl, who talked me into taking a detour to Louisville, KY 'cause she had grown up there.  I had been drinking whiskey the whole trip, and when we got to Louisville, we hit some local bars and continued to party well into the night.  We left a bar at closing time, and headed for the car to go sleep somewhere.  On the way to the car, I decided to take a pitstop in a church courtyard.  While I'm relieving myself someone in the church leans out an open window about five feet away from me, and yells "who's there?".  It was dark, and it scared the shit out of me...  literally.  The fast food from the road and the whiskey had caught up with me.  I sharted so bad, it was running down one of my legs, all the way to my sock.  I ran back to the car, and took off my pants.  There I am in front of this really hot chick, naked from the waste down on a city sidewalk, washing shit off my leg with a towel (thank you Douglas Adams) and some bottled water.  We get in the car, and I hit the interstate (still with no pants on) to find a motel so I could take a shower.  I left the pants, the towel and the bottled water right there on the sidewalk.

Needless to say...  I didn't get any play in the motel room that night.

-M

[ze RJM]

^^OOOhhh damn, that gave me a pretty good chuckle.
+1 for your pain and suffering!

[colorblindbowen]

I used to teach lessons at the indoor park in Burlington, VT.  I was in school at the time, and home for the weekend staying at my moms house.  She lives about 1.5 hours from the park, and I left a bit late.  It was one of those times where I had to piss when I left the house, but felt that I shouldn't waste my time, and that I could just make it to the park.  I got to this big 5 way intersection in the nearby town of Essex just as the light turned red.  It was about 8:45am on a Sunday, and there wasn't another car in sight.  The light is timed, and regardless of the lack of traffic, the light cycles through each of the 5 paths for a certain amount of time.  I looked over and saw a big 1 liter Mountain Dew bottle in the trash pit in front of my passenger seat.  I decided to go for it.  So I get my pants down, get the top off the bottle, and get my member in place.  Right then I glance into the rear view and see a huge F-350 coming up behind me.  I was in the left turn lane, and of course, they were pulling up in the straight lane next to me.  I was in a Mazda protoge, they were in a truck.  All I had time to do was drop the bottle, and pull my sweater down to cover my junk as this woman pulls up next to me.  She casually looked over, and because of her height, was able to look right down onto my pasty white legs, with my pants around m ankles, and my hand holding my sweater down over my junk.  I tried my hardest not to look over, but I couldn't help but smile.  It was all I could do not to bust out laughing.  We were at the light for a solid 30 seconds before the light turned green.  I still peed in the bottle.

[elastic back]

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months.

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/209503

[hardcoreskates]

^^^^^^^I got a good laugh outta that.  thank you.

[lateskate]

when i was about 12, i was playing competitive hockey and whenever we would play in a town called arnprior we would go to the sports bar aptly named "the prior" because they had awesome wings. so the first time i had the wings there i felt alright on the ride home but all of a sudden i had to blow ass so bad. so we pulled over and i shit against a telephone pole. the next time we were there i figured that it couldnt happen twice so i didnt bother visiting the toilet before i left. about 10 minutes later we're driving through a snowstorm and i get that same rumble in my stomach as before. so i start freaking out and we pull over on the side of the highway. i jumped out of the van into the ditch and i just sink into the snow, like waist high. so i have 2 jump up on the snow bank and have 2 explode in front of my friends in a snowstorm and every car that drove by us honked. the 3rd time we went back i was smart enough to use the john before i left and i had the exact same gross, wet shit as the 2 times before.

[bailgun]

maybe when you go for time number 4, you should just opt for a salad or something.

[hardcoreskates]

when i was about 12, i was playing competitive hockey and whenever we would play in a town called arnprior we would go to the sports bar aptly named "the prior" because they had awesome wings. so the first time i had the wings there i felt alright on the ride home but all of a sudden i had to blow ass so bad. so we pulled over and i shit against a telephone pole. the next time we were there i figured that it couldnt happen twice so i didnt bother visiting the toilet before i left. about 10 minutes later we're driving through a snowstorm and i get that same rumble in my stomach as before. so i start freaking out and we pull over on the side of the highway. i jumped out of the van into the ditch and i just sink into the snow, like waist high. so i have 2 jump up on the snow bank and have 2 explode in front of my friends in a snowstorm and every car that drove by us honked. the 3rd time we went back i was smart enough to use the john before i left and i had the exact same gross, wet shit as the 2 times before.

avoid durkee's red hot at all costs my friend.  sounds like you are trying to build a tolerance to it, but it probably won't happen.