Certified Piece of Suck Contest Winners
There’s no denying that many of the cement pits and plazas built these days are amazing. But there remains a frightening trend of garbage parks being plopped, dookie-style, into towns all over the world. Beyond just eyesores, these Monuments of Suck have real consequences. They actually discourage skating and can kill a town’s scene before it even gets started; the abortion of stoke. We’re aware that one man’s shitty park is another guy’s skate kingdom, but here’s some real Debbie Downers from the November Thrasher, plus a bunch more.
All you need is a pair of functioning eyeballs or half a brain to see why these parks bite, but here's our Rating System.
This is the worst park we’ve seen, bar none. Well, technically there's two bars. But they both suck. Congratulations and our sincere condolences go to Ben Milon for having to deal with this park in St. Leonards, Australia. A Thrasher package is heading your way.
Circling the toilet bowl of despair—behold the wimpiest pit of all time.
Got quick feet? Not quick enough to get a line at this lousy slab.
The Halfpipe Hall of Shame is where atrocious transitions go to die.
Tragedy of the Commons: Lots of cement, not a clue what to do with it.
If one suicide-ledge is good, make it five and have a waterfall of death. Even Gnar King Cole wouldn't touch this.
Geez, you’re acting like you’ve never seen $110,000 in taxpayers’ money at work before. Remember, it’s “for the kids.”
These already made the rounds online, but their bogusness requires one more look.
"Why you no skate?” Precision German engineering takes a nosedive in this Berlin horror show.
Huge metal Hubbas with no run-up will have you feeling blue.
Get your ducks in a row in the Land of the Lost. Honestly, someone should go to jail for this.
Granted, this shot was taken after the Vancouver riots. But still, this plaza is pure Zurrp.
We don’t know what planet this is on, but there’s no signs of intelligent life.
This circle jerk must be a place for teenagers to smoke cigarettes, because no skating's gonna happen here.
These park-builders/brain surgeons had two different designs and said "Fuck it, let's combine them together!"
At least you can practice your frontside AND backside boardslides.
"Bank to ledge" usually means fun, low-impact sessions. Unless you're Omar Salazar, this one will eat you alive.
This knee-high bummer starts off strange and gets weirder the more you look at it.
We've been told this rough ground can barely be rolled on, which makes it ass-fault, not asphalt.
Email us photos of any Certified Piece of Suck skatepark designs that you know of: [email protected] (300dpi, 5 inches wide)
7/24/2017Ancient Egypt is known for Pyramids, Pharaohs, and mummies. Our research of their mysterious written language also indicates they had a ripping skate scene with unique hazards.
4/13/2017Man, we love those two pages in the back of the mag. Getting skate photos from different scenes around the world is a blast. Ryan has had more pics published in Photo-G than anyone so we figured we’d finally get to know the guy.
9/13/2016Like an infectious, untreatable disease, that one phone app where you hunt down invisible monsters went viral like the Black Plague. Here’s our version where you snoop around for skate critters.
6/22/2016This band had a long-time cult following and blew up the last couple of years. Austyn Gillette and David Letterman may have helped, but mostly the tunes did all the work.
6/22/2016When the park sucks this bad you have to get creative. The PC crew turns crap into gold in Santa Clara, Utah.