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Author Topic: SKATEBOARDING FUCKED...YET AGAIN  (Read 8229 times)
airplane.
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« on: April 06, 2009, 12:42:35 AM »







Wildly popular clothing brand Affliction held a press conference early Wednesday morning to announce it's exciting news that it would be entering the skateboarding market with it's new line "Affliction Skayte." Max Brody, Public Relations Manager for the Affliction line addressed the press in attendance and told them the motives behind moving into this very lucrative market.

"There are definitely a lot of parallels between Affliction's main sport of interest, Mixed Martial Arts fighting, and the sport we are planning on moving into, skateboarding. Both sports take extreme physical skill, both have their own fringe cultures, and both have a whoooollllle lot of attitude." Brody explained. "Not to mention whether you're in the ring fighting a guy twice your size, or you're jumping down some stairs twice your height, you're gonna need to be able to take a few lumps" he adds, chuckling. "It just makes sense for us to move in the direction of skateboarding. Our two cultures are so alike."

However, not everyone agreed with Brody's views on the similarities between skateboarding and MMA fighting. When fielding questions from reporters in the audience, a rebellious representative from Thrasher Skateboarding Magazine stated that he thought there were no similarities between the two sports, going on to argue that MMA fighting was a sport for "jocks".

"Well that's just the thing." Brody countered after the reporter was escorted from the meeting room, "If being in peak physical condition so that you can excel at your sport and be the best you can be is what you call being a "jock" then yes, our company is for jocks, and we're proud of it! In fact we're taking back the term jock, it's going to be used in a positive manner in our company. In fact, you could say that in putting together our team, we decided to go for the biggest jocks in all of skateboarding."

Brody then went on to talk a little about the team they had assembled. "We looked for the brightest and the best in their respective fields. As far as young guys who are really keeping the competitive jock spirit alive, we've enlisted Ryan Sheckler and Greg Lutzka, two of the most successful contest skaters ever."





"But we're not just concentrating on the young bucks." Brody continued. "We've also enlisted Danny Way to the team, who I'm sure I don't even need to tell you guys is an absolute skate legend. From single handedly inventing the mega-ramp discipline in skateboarding to doing backflip rocket airs on it to win the X-Games, all the way to jumping the Great Wall Of China with a broken ankle, this guy is in prime physical shape. When it comes to jocks in skating, they don't get much more raw than Danny Way."



Brody then went on to talk even more about their team. "We're not stopping at the young guns and the big guns either though. To really show our commitment to skateboarding, we've even decided to start a "legends division" where we'll be hooking up skaters who may not be doing all the newest trendy tricks, but have left a legacy on the sport due to how influential their careers have been. When we were thinking of which legends would be big enough jocks to ride for Affliction, it didn't take us long to come to the agreement that Mike Vallely needed to be on the team. I mean the guy plays hockey, and loves to fight people. Does it get any more jock than that?!"





"The sky really is the limit with this new venture of our brand." Brody boldly stated. "We're really committed to skateboarding, and are headed in the right direction. We've even enlisted ex-pro skater Moses Itkonen as the Team Manager, and believe us, he knows a thing or two about being a jock. Right now we're starting off with a small team and limited designs, but we've got a lot of big things in the works." Brody then lowered his voice, and leaned in close to the microphone. "Actually I'm not supposed to leak this info yet, but we're currently in the process of designing what we think will be the most durable skate shoe ever made. It's gonna take the skate world by storm."



http://youwillsoon.blogspot.com/2009/04/press-release-affliction-clothing.html
« Last Edit: April 06, 2009, 12:44:06 AM by airplane. » Logged
the redline
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« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2009, 12:59:20 AM »

I thought that Mike V DVD said "Featuring Guy Mariano" instead of "CKY Madman".

I need to go to bed.
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seedless
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« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2009, 01:01:02 AM »

Hahahahahahahahaha, before i even saw the sheckler picture i said to myself "Watch sheckler will end up riding for them" sure enough he does. I dont see this new company lasting long in the skate world, they should just stick to whatever they did before. Making shitty ass designs that have skulls all over them, for the "Ultimate Fighting" world.
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the redline
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« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2009, 01:01:46 AM »

Wow, I totally realized this was an April Fool's Joke!
« Last Edit: April 06, 2009, 09:57:05 PM by the redline » Logged
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« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2009, 01:02:27 AM »

also if u need another hook up ryan shecklers younger brother kane will hook you up

http://www.trustthreads.com/

not enough??

shecks will chuck u up on his moto site

http://www.shecklerracing.com/
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« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2009, 01:04:36 AM »

Why even worry about shit like this. Are you going to quit because of it? None of this shit has any effect on skateboarding.
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« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2009, 01:30:57 AM »

april fools, fools.
there truly are some gullible motherfuckers out there...
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C H U C K
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« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2009, 01:35:04 AM »

april fools, fools.
there truly are some gullible motherfuckers out there...

No way dude, this is the end of skateboarding. Skatings FUCKED.
And there is no way the internets would lie. I think it's true.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2009, 01:42:13 AM by The Chuck » Logged

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« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2009, 02:47:03 AM »

shit. guess we better just get rid of marginal, then.

i'm off to www.homedepot.com to check out jackhammer rental rates.
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« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2009, 03:20:51 AM »

That was fun to read. I don't think I've ever heard jock in the same body of work used like that constantly.
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hardcoreskates
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« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2009, 04:09:59 AM »

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"I don't wanna walk around with you
I don't wanna walk around with you
I don't wanna walk around with you
So why you wanna walk around with me?
I don't wanna walk around with you
I don't wanna walk around with you. . . 1 2 3 4. . . "  -Dee Dee Ramone
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« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2009, 06:22:31 AM »

i'm off to www.homedepot.com to check out jackhammer rental rates.

Such a good post.
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TheBird
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« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2009, 06:30:50 AM »

Who cares? Only death metal kids like this shit. Graphics are so shitty that they wont last.

I really laughed with the pants!
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hardcoreskates
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« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2009, 07:49:39 AM »

i'm off to www.homedepot.com to check out jackhammer rental rates.

Such a good post.

i don't like jackhammer's unless there is searing hot motor oil, or candle wax involved.  FUCK OFF!

P.S.  I WANT MORE FIVE POINT STARS UNDER MY SCREEN NAME...  if i have to beg i will, but i think i deserve at least five.  Schmitty?  I gots my black leather spiked bracelet on, and my silver safety pins in my sid vicious T.  help me out here bro.  paint it black.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2009, 08:21:08 AM by hardcoreskates » Logged

"I don't wanna walk around with you
I don't wanna walk around with you
I don't wanna walk around with you
So why you wanna walk around with me?
I don't wanna walk around with you
I don't wanna walk around with you. . . 1 2 3 4. . . "  -Dee Dee Ramone
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« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2009, 10:28:35 AM »

I think that has something to do with your sign up date to post count ratio. I dunno though. I kinda like the one star.
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